Author: system system

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Promotion of Healthy, Happy and Balanced Development of Children

The Parent-Child Relationship of “One Chases, One Walks”

Written by: Ms. Ng Yee Kam, Founder and CEO of Family Dynamics

Marriage and Family Therapist

Child Play Therapist

Many parents complain that as their children grow older, they become less willing to talk to their parents, and the relationship becomes more distant and indifferent. Parents begin to not know what is on their children’s minds, what their school life is like, and what their friends are like. As far as the eye can see, it’s all gaming, watching TV, surfing the internet, WhatsApp, WeChat, and Instagram! Parents inevitably develop a sense of unease, because it feels like they have lost connection with their beloved children. The more uneasy parents become, the more they want to pull their children back. But the methods they use are often questioning, regulating, criticizing, and blaming, showing a lack of understanding and trust towards their children’s behavior. From the children’s perspective, the parents’ “concern” and “care” feel like control and unreasonableness. As a result, the more the parents want to get closer to their children, the more the children want to avoid their parents! This chasing creates a tense and awkward parent-child relationship, which is truly a pity!

Whether it’s the evolution of society or the nurturing of the next generation, the role of parents is the most important. Parents have multiple responsibilities: care, provision, guidance, and demonstration. The best way to connect the relationship between parents and children and create positive interactions is the way parents convey love and care, which can make children truly feel it. Sometimes parents may be surprised and ask, “Isn’t this how I show concern? How could he not feel it?” In fact, each child’s needs may be different, and the way they crave care may also be different. If parents do not approach it from the child’s perspective, but only selfishly use their own perspective to understand and the methods they are used to in showing care, even if parents “circle around” the child, the same result may occur: one chases, one walks!

For children to truly feel their parents’ love and care, the key lies in whether the parents’ focus is on the children themselves, or only on the children’s performance. If the parents’ care is focused on the child, the child will definitely feel it, and they will respond in a positive way. If the parents’ concern is only about the child’s performance, the child will eventually become alienated from the parents, and may even shut them out.

If we compare the following examples of what parents say to their children, we can see the difference between “caring for the child” and “caring for the child’s performance”:

When parents come home from work and ask their children:

A “Did you have a happy day at school today?”

B “Did you finish your homework today?”

When the child gets a 65 on a test, the parents say:

A “Are you feeling disappointed with this score? Perhaps you feel unhappy, you can share your feelings with me!”

B “You’ve been lazy and unfocused, how can you get good grades like this? If you don’t work harder, you’ll fail again next time, and might even have to repeat the grade!”

In the busy pace of life, it is not easy to establish a good parent-child relationship! Establishing positive interactions and connections with your children is the only way to provide them with continuous encouragement and support as they grow up. If you’re not careful and choose the wrong way of expressing yourself, even though the parents may have a lot of love in their hearts, the children may not accept it!

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Promotion of Healthy, Happy and Balanced Development of Children

The issue of “Biliteracy and Trilingualism”

Written by: Ms. Chan-Chen Shu-an, Early Childhood Education Specialist

Children are young and innocent, lacking the ability to discern right from wrong or make sound judgments. They are entirely at the mercy of adults, immersed in the family, school, and social environments that are cultivated by elders. The author often feels that children are the most innocent, and therefore, the responsibility of educating the next generation is truly inescapable.

Firstly, the author does not oppose learning foreign languages, as she firmly believes that knowing an additional language is akin to having an extra key for communication, academic pursuits, and knowledge expansion. Furthermore, the author strongly agrees that the earlier one learns a language, the better, especially when it comes to language pronunciation, as it becomes increasingly difficult to master as one grows older.

What is “Biliteracy and Trilingualism”?

The “Biliteracy and Trilingualism” provided by the Hong Kong Education Department is Chinese, English; Cantonese (mother tongue), English and Mandarin (Putonghua).

Objectives of Kindergarten Education

Early childhood education is the foundation of education for human beings. When a baby is born, the first person they interact with is their mother, and the mother is also the first teacher. Therefore, the language used for communication is the mother tongue, which is the language used by the mother and the common language in the family and society. Consequently, the primary objectives of kindergarten education in all countries, for children under the age of 6, are focused on the healthy development of the child’s mind and body, as well as the development of the child’s language skills.

Importance of the Mother Tongue

All countries in the world use the mother tongue as the medium of instruction. Children must first master their mother tongue, and only later, in the upper grades of primary school or even in secondary school, can they choose to learn a foreign language under the guidance of a specialized teacher. Unless they are the subjects of a colonial power, in which case they would need to learn the language of the ruling country, such as Vietnamese students learning French in the past, Taiwanese students learning Japanese, or students in India and Hong Kong learning English.

Language is a tool for “communication” and “learning”, and the mother tongue is the common language in the family and society. Therefore, it is of utmost importance for children to be able to listen, speak, and master their mother tongue.

The development of language is closely related to the development of thinking. Children learn to communicate with others through their mother tongue, which stimulates their brain’s response, thinking, questioning, association, and memory, leading to the acceptance or expression of ideas. This is an interdependent relationship between language and cognitive development. Therefore, the learning of language has a profound impact on the development of children’s thinking.

Being familiar with the mother tongue and mastering the national language allows for a deeper understanding of one’s country’s history and culture. This fosters a sense of identification with one’s homeland, enhances national consciousness, and has a profound influence on one’s feelings, dignity, and love for the motherland. This patriotic and family-oriented mindset should be cultivated from an early age, which is recognized by all countries around the world.

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Promotion of Healthy, Happy and Balanced Development of Children

Intelligent learning through exercise

Written by: Fung Ji Hei, Game Therapist

I just participated in a professional development exchange activity for teachers in Taiwan, and witnessed how Taiwan’s education system emphasizes using exercise to cultivate children’s growth. This has given me new inspiration, and I hope to share it with all parents. One of the schools we visited for the exchange could be called a “mini sports university” – “Tiger Forest Elementary School”. As soon as I stepped into the school, the students greeted us with the government-promoted fitness exercises. They followed the rhythm to raise their hands and move their bodies, doing all kinds of warm-up movements. It made me feel like they were as lively as little tigers, and I felt like I had entered a forest full of little tigers.

Exercise Can Strengthen Children’s Learning Ability

Principal Liu of Tiger Forest Elementary School said that the school is a key government school focused on the physical development of the students, and believes that exercise can strengthen their learning ability. They are based on the research of John J. Ratey, MD, an assistant professor of clinical psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, and advocate the “Anytime Exercise” program. This program encourages students to exercise at any time. During breaks, students run to any part of the playground to exercise, some play dodgeball, some climb on the jungle gym, and some play badminton. All the students enjoy every moment of exercise.

The Benefits of Exercise – Strengthening Brain Function

It is well known that exercise has the effect of strengthening the body and health. In Ratey’s research, he points out more about the benefits of exercise for the brain. He describes the brain as an information processing center, where information is transmitted through different pathways using different messengers (chemicals). During exercise, the brain can effectively produce more messengers and strengthen the pathways, making the transmission of information faster and more accurate.

When applying this theory to learning, students can strengthen their brain function through exercise, thereby enhancing their learning effectiveness. Research has proven that exercise can improve students’ concentration and memory, which are essential conditions for successful learning. In addition, exercise can cause the brain to produce Dopamine (a chemical that creates a sense of happiness), allowing students to learn happily, and naturally achieving better results.

How to get children to love exercise?

To let children enjoy the time and benefits of exercise, parents need to help children love exercise. Here are three suggestions:

Anytime Exercise

Provide more opportunities for children to exercise, such as giving them appropriate time, tools, and venues, while parents should also pay attention to the safety of the environment.

Healthy Exercise

Teach children to exercise for the sake of health, and emphasize the benefits of exercise to health.

Exercise Together

Exercise with children more often, enjoy the moments of exercise, and cherish the quality time between parents and children.

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Promotion of Healthy, Happy and Balanced Development of Children

We should be grateful to others for being willing to ‘offer help’

Written by: Dr. Cheung Kit

In this era, parents’ protection of their children surpasses that of any previous generation. This may be due to the decrease in the number of children and the improvement in living standards, leading to parents spending more time and providing more comprehensive care for their children. Under such (possibly excessive) protection, children often become very self-centered and disregard the importance of others. From the parents’ perspective, they are inevitably biased and more tolerant of their own children. When faced with their children’s inappropriate behavior, parents tend to make excuses for them. This common human behavior, however, may lead to children becoming unruly. Therefore, in the difficult situation of balancing right and wrong, if someone is willing to “offer help and guidance,” parents should be grateful. The following are “important figures.”

Teachers
Teachers are among the people who spend the most time with children. We would prefer teachers to directly point out the rights and wrongs to children during their daily interactions. This direct message can effectively “sink in” for the children. Sometimes, facing negative criticism, children will naturally feel unhappy, but it helps them understand the boundaries. Therefore, parents should appreciate the strict guidance of teachers and avoid casually complaining about their efforts.

Elders
Many elders may be very strict with their own children but tend to be much more lenient with their grandchildren, sometimes even more so than the children’s parents. However, the status and life experience of elders are actually superior to anyone else’s. Therefore, their “one word of praise” can be more effective than others’ advice. The question is whether they are willing to play the role of the bad guy. If they are, parents should be grateful for their assistance.

Medical Personnel
Medical personnel have always been relatively respected. However, children often have an aversion to medical procedures. Therefore, during consultations and treatments, children’s reactions often present a good teaching opportunity. If medical personnel (including doctors and nurses) are willing to provide guidance when children exhibit uncooperative behavior, the children will likely understand better. Although they may not correct their behavior immediately, it will certainly help in their life learning process.

Passersby
Sometimes, unrelated bystanders can immediately point out inappropriate behavior in children, which can have a startlingly effective impact. For the parents present, this might be a bit embarrassing, but thinking it through, it is beneficial for the child’s behavior.

Children in their growth and learning phase need proper guidance, especially when their behavior deviates. Therefore, if parents are unwilling to play the “bad guy,” we should be grateful and appreciative if others are willing to speak up and correct the child.

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Promotion of Healthy, Happy and Balanced Development of Children

The most important thing in teaching children is values

Written by: Senior Early Childhood Education Consultant, Miss Mok Loi Yan

In recent years, news of parent-child tragedies has become increasingly common. The root cause lies in severe deviations in parent-child relationships, familial bonds, and individual roles in family responsibilities. This results in resentment, blame-shifting, and an inability to combat negative thoughts, sometimes leading to the desire to harm others as a form of self-relief.

Guiding Children on the Right Path Through Parental Values

Although parents may feel heartbroken, they cannot turn back time to rebuild affectionate relationships with their children or restore the value of familial bonds. People do not have the choice to select their parents, so they must cherish the relationships they have. However, parents can seize the present moment to let their children know that they are the most selfless people in the world, allowing them to feel the warmth and tenderness of their parents. Since we never know when we might no longer be by our children’s side, the only things that can help them make judgments, prevent them from going astray, and resist negative temptations are the values and parent-child relationships taught by their parents. Children must understand that regardless of whether family life is smooth or challenging, it is a gift and a form of training. Through this training, people become stronger, making it an invaluable element of growth.

When we witness the tragedies of other families and individuals, it serves as a warning to resolutely avoid following the same path. At the same time, parents should realize that when they pass away, the only things they leave behind for their descendants are a lifetime of wisdom, culture, and the character they have instilled in their children. At this moment, what do parents expect from their children? I hope: “Just be a good person.” Storytelling education is a way to impart important values to children, facilitate communication, and build parent-child relationships.

The value of familial affection lies in accumulating intimacy from a young age.

Parents must strive to build intimacy with their children from an early age. The following example demonstrates how a mother can meet her child’s need for security, highlighting the importance of building intimacy and empathy:

One day, a 2-year-old baby suddenly raised their hands and stood on tiptoe, seemingly craving adult affection. We often refer to this behavior as “acting spoiled.” However, the father said, “Hold the baby? Okay, stand properly for Daddy to see first.” At this moment, the baby turned to the mother, raised their hands again, and stood on tiptoe, showing a strong desire for care. The mother immediately embraced the baby and said touching and selfless words to the father: “Ah, the love of Mommy and Daddy is not something the baby needs to beg for; love is always there, and we don’t have many days to be this close. Let the baby feel our love.” This story allows everyone to savor the value, role, and response of being a parent.

Additionally, I have several tips for promoting parent-child relationships and story education to share:

Let your children understand your values, viewpoints, and response methods through your actions.
Do not make your children fear your calls or feel annoyed, including only testing or completing tasks you assign.
Parental instruction methods should only be used in situations that endanger health or life; otherwise, just warn of the consequences and respond calmly to the child’s anger and pain after they face the consequences.
When children proactively share things, encourage them to express their viewpoints, hypothesize by taking on another role, and analyze emotions and thoughts to increase empathy.
Create more opportunities for shared learning and topics, allowing you and your children to have similar feelings and experiences.
If a child’s response in a story shows a deviation in values, such as tendencies toward violence or revenge, express that this makes you sad and guide the child to think of reasonable solutions or the benefits of letting go of the issue.

In summary, everyone has emotional and psychological needs for satisfaction. To help children grow in a balanced way emotionally and cognitively, parents must cultivate themselves to manage their families. Parents need to have the ability to judge and understand the entire value of their child’s life: happiness and contribution. Only then can children inherit and spread the mission of love through your example and teachings.

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Promotion of Healthy, Happy and Balanced Development of Children

Encountering a ‘mismatched’ child is an opportunity for parents to grow

Written by: Lai Shun Mei, Family Dynamics Counselor and Global Career Developer

When a child is born, people like to discuss his appearance, using his resemblance to his parents as a topic of conversation, and talk about which attractive features he has inherited from them. As he grows older and his temperament begins to show, they also like to explore whose personality he resembles.

It is generally easier to get along with someone who has a similar temperament because similar personalities and preferences make it easier to connect. If a child has a temperament similar to their parents, it seems to make parenting easier. However, it often seems like God enjoys playing jokes on us by giving us “mismatched” children: an outgoing and lively mother ends up with a quiet and introverted daughter; a hot-tempered father faces a sensitive and sentimental son; a mother who doesn’t understand fun encounters a hedonistic son.

Parents who seek help often share the common issue of having difficulty getting along with their “mismatched” child. They cannot accept the child’s nature, do not understand the child’s behavior, and do not know how to properly guide their child.

The outgoing and lively mother “complained” to me: “My daughter dawdles, is hesitant, and doesn’t dare to make friends outside.” She couldn’t understand: “What’s so difficult about brushing teeth? What’s so scary about attending English class? What’s there to be shy about when meeting other kids?” Why is her daughter nothing like her but instead resembles her indecisive, introverted, timid, and unambitious father? As she spoke, she indirectly revealed to me that her problem was not accepting her spouse and projecting her dissatisfaction with her spouse onto their daughter. Therefore, the issue was not with her daughter but with their marital relationship.

The hot-tempered father had to come for advice because his son only got along with his mother and not with him. He deeply loved his son and did not want him to grow up being overly sensitive and tearful like a girl. The older the child got, the more anxious the father became. However, under insults and strict orders, the child did not become stronger but instead became more withdrawn, clinging to his mother and refusing to leave her side. It was only after understanding the situation that it became clear that this father had grown up amidst beatings and insults. He believed his own strength came from such an upbringing, not realizing that those painful experiences had become implicit memories affecting his relationship with his son.

The mother, who claimed she did not know how to play and did not need to play, was at a loss with her son, who was solely focused on playing. She said her son was careless with his studies but persistently focused on play. How could she change her son’s attitude towards his studies? I was curious about this mother’s claim—who wouldn’t like to play? Seeking happiness is human nature, so why did she insist she did not need entertainment? It turned out that she was also playful as a child but was strictly disciplined by her mother, who did not allow her to “waste” time. Gradually, her life lacked playmates, and when she played with her mother, her mother remained serious and uncompromising, often causing her to lose and feel sad. Over time, she grew to dislike playing games. Her mother “successfully” shaped her into someone who “did not like” to play, someone who appeared strong and focused on studies but was also rigid, insecure, and lacking in joy. No wonder she did not understand how to get along with her naturally joyful son.

It turns out that God “mismatched” children for us with a purpose. He wants us to reflect on our relationships with our spouses and parents, and our own growth experiences through the frustrations of interacting with our children, thereby sorting out these relationships and resolving these emotional knots.

Parents’ lack of acceptance of their children is a reflection of their lack of acceptance of themselves. A lack of confidence in their children is a lack of confidence in themselves. By taking care of “mismatched” children, parents feel challenged and then become aware of their own pain points. With the help of a therapist, they begin a journey of self-exploration. They clarify and straighten out their family relationships, gaining rebirth and growth in the process. Children are born as they are, and there is no mismatch. Let us make good use of this opportunity for growth!

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Promotion of Healthy, Happy and Balanced Development of Children

Who sympathizes? A child’s voice

Written by： Family Dynamics, Counseling Psychologist, Shelly Mok

I met W in a social-emotional group. At that time, W was only 11 years old. In the group, although W would “follow the crowd” and engage in some disorderly behavior, he was the boy who could best understand the emotions behind others’ actions. Moreover, he was able to proactively offer help when others faced emotional difficulties. After the group ended, his mother requested a one-on-one meeting with W. Since entering the fourth grade, W’s grades had significantly declined, dropping from being at the top of his class in the lower grades to around 20th place in the fifth grade, with the most significant drop in his English grades. The teacher reported that he had started associating with the naughtiest kids in the grade and often talked back to the teacher. At home, he frequently argued with or ignored his parents. I was puzzled as to why such an empathetic child had suddenly lost his way.

During the therapy process, I discovered W’s inner world:

He felt very lonely and empty inside: During the first one-on-one meeting, W expressed his willingness to see me and cried about his grievances and loneliness. He said that his parents only cared about his grades, not his situation, interests, or hobbies, and did not spend time with him.

He valued interpersonal relationships: As the therapy progressed, he gradually began to share details of his school life with me, such as the attitudes and temperaments of different subject teachers and the interactions with students, and how these affected his grades in different subjects. Therefore, whether at school or at home, good interpersonal relationships and others’ understanding and acceptance of him would become his motivation for learning.

He liked to use his brain, was not afraid of difficulties and failures, and enjoyed games, toys, and creative writing that challenged his intelligence and patience. When playing board games in the playroom, the more I deliberately won, the more interested he became in understanding my However, rote learning methods made him lose his enthusiasm for studying.

Parental Care and Willingness to Open Up

Changing the curriculum and teachers at school is very difficult. Additionally, there are many practical considerations if one wants to transfer schools in the sixth grade. Therefore, W’s parents and I worked together to help W receive the attention, acceptance, understanding, and brainstorming at home that he could not get at school, making it a possible and key focus of therapeutic intervention.

W’s parents are not good at expressing love and care, but they genuinely care about W from the bottom of their hearts. They always take time off work to attend every parent consultation session. When I guided them to recall the moments of W’s growth, they quickly realized and accepted W’s psychological needs and committed to spending more time with W, trying to understand and participate in W’s interests and hobbies. After some time, they reported to me that W was much happier at home and had started to share some of his school experiences with his parents.

Discovering Strengths and Rediscovering the True Self

On the other hand, in the game room, I helped W discover his strengths through games, understand his desire to grow and improve, thereby building his self-esteem and confidence, and rediscovering his true self. This allowed him to choose a path for himself. I believe that human nature inherently desires growth and positive development. As long as we help children recognize their deep-seated desires, they will naturally move towards a brighter path. When the play therapy ended, W told me that his overall happiness index had significantly increased because he understood his strengths and some important values. His mother also told me that the teacher said he had reconnected with some well-behaved and academically better-performing friends at school, and his attitude towards teachers had improved. Although his interest in studying remained low, it had stabilized.

There are many underlying reasons for a child’s academic decline. As parents, if we focus solely on grades, we often miss the opportunity to help our children grow, which can lead to other behavioral problems and affect parent-child, peer, and teacher-student relationships. For children, it is a basic need for their parents to care for them from their perspective, cater to their interests, understand their difficulties, and affirm their strengths.

Ultimately, having a confidant is a deep-seated human desire. This world is filled with many unchangeable realities, such as teachers and curricula. However, deep resonance can always make life a bit easier, making our children’s hearts stronger, less likely to get lost, and reducing the possibility of behavioral deviations. As for grades, rankings alone cannot determine a child’s future success. W’s affirmation of his strengths, his fearlessness in the face of difficulties, and his willingness to delve into and improve can become his lifelong motto, accompanying him through the ups and downs of his future life.

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Promotion of Healthy, Happy and Balanced Development of Children

Stranger anxiety: Anxiety towards strangers

Written by:  Hong Kong registered psychologist, Ching Wai Keung

When discussing the formation of attachment, it is not difficult to observe that children, from infancy (approximately from birth to two years old), already exhibit feelings of anxiety, including stranger anxiety and separation anxiety. These anxieties typically begin to appear between six months and one year of age. This time, we will focus on discussing stranger anxiety.

Simply put, stranger anxiety is what parents often refer to as fear of strangers, and the behaviors derived from it are what we commonly call “recognizing people.” The intensity of fear of strangers can vary; mild cases may only show reluctance to be held by strangers or avoidance of strangers’ gazes, while severe cases can involve extreme discomfort or even crying loudly just from a stranger’s glance.

Firstly, I must explain that under normal circumstances, fear of strangers should be seen as a positive developmental signal, indicating that the child is capable of distinguishing between caregivers and others. Parents should not be overly concerned.

Secondly, an infant’s reaction to strangers often changes depending on the external environment, including the current objective environment, the stranger’s actions towards the infant, the distance between the infant and their primary caregiver, and the caregiver’s reaction to the stranger (Keltenbach, Weinraub, & Fullard, 1980). For example, if the primary caregiver interacts with the stranger in a positive manner, using friendly speech and tone, the child’s response is likely to be more positive as well (Feinman & Lewis, 1983).

Therefore, if parents want to reduce their child’s anxious behaviors when facing strangers, they can start by modifying their own behaviors. When interacting with others, they can increase their smiles, be more proactive, improve their tone of voice and body language. Don’t forget that parents are the lifelong teachers of their children! Of course, parents do not need to rush to change the behavior of infants and toddlers in a short time. As they develop the ability to self-regulate, their performance in managing anxiety may greatly improve!

The emotion of fear of strangers actually follows us throughout our lives. Are you able to speak freely in front of strangers? Do you feel anxious during job interviews? Therefore, a little anxiety is normal. The most important thing is how we can improve our performance when anxious.

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Understanding of Child Development

Reconsidering Giving Up Seats

Shirley Loo: Reconsidering giving up seats

I’ve always known that giving up one’s seat is a virtue.

But at this age, when I see people entering the subway car, most are looking at their phones. If I am fortunate enough to have a seat, would I give it up? To be honest, if I see someone younger than me, I would continue to sit comfortably. However, if I see an elderly person, with a mask, white hair, and unsteady steps, of course, I would give up my seat immediately.

The big prerequisite for giving up a seat, though, is that our eyes can’t be glued to our phones. Otherwise, we’ll miss these ‘opportunities’ right in front of us, right?

As for being offered a seat, I have never had that experience so far. Probably because I dye my hair and move about freely, although I am close to being elderly, I still appear to be in the ‘no need to give up a seat’ category.

A friend asked me, if someone really stood up to offer me their seat, would I sit down? Honestly, no. Unless my hands are full and I’m extremely tired, I still feel that ‘if you can stand, stand.’ This is probably the dignity and persistence of a middle-aged woman.

This is your mother’s reflection on the issue of giving up one’s seat. Because I am in such an awkward position between ‘to offer or not to offer’ and ‘to sit or not to sit.’

Until you were pregnant and I called to ask how your subway commute to work was going every day. You always said, ‘No one gives up their seat’ (especially on the Kowloon line). Those men in suits always keep their heads down, looking at their phones, indifferent to those around them, even as your belly gets bigger and bigger, the number of people giving up their seats is pitifully small, if any at all.

Facing such an indifferent city where only phones are seen and not neighbors, my heart is not at ease. So I can only pray for your safety every day, hoping that someone will be kind enough to let you ‘sit comfortably’ for a while. Secondly, it also makes me deeply reflect on the topic of parent-child education, on how to encourage parents to teach their children the virtue of giving up seats (since many parents nowadays tend to ‘hog seats’ for their young and strong children).

This profound lesson will probably also make you understand what to do when you see a pregnant woman in the future!

Ho Ying : The virtue of giving up one’s seat

Since I was young, I knew that we should give up our seats to those in need. Since 2009, “priority seats” have appeared on various modes of transportation in Hong Kong, and I thought this tradition would continue. When I first found out I was pregnant, I also said to a friend who was about to give birth, “On the subway, people should give up their seats for you, right?” Her response surprised me: “How could that be? From the time I got pregnant until now, I take the subway to and from work every day, and the number of times someone has given up their seat for me can be counted on one hand.” Besides her, many friends have shared their experiences with me, telling me not to expect anyone to give up their seat.

How could this be? Isn’t giving up seats something we’ve learned since childhood? At first, I didn’t quite believe it. But over the past few months, as my belly has grown day by day, I thought there would be more and more chances for people to give up their seats. Unexpectedly, I still had to fight for a seat myself. Every time I enter the carriage, what I see is rows of “heads-down tribe,” either looking at their phones or fast asleep. Occasionally someone would look up to see which station we had arrived at, but even if they saw someone in need, they would quickly turn their heads back to their phones, pretending not to see.

Friends always ask, “Did you go to the priority seat? Those people should be more likely to give up their seats, right?” From my experience, most people sitting in priority seats think they have a need to sit down and won’t think of giving up their seats. Passengers sitting in other seats always feel that there are priority seats to take care of those in need, so they don’t think of giving up their seats either.

Some friends suggested, “Then you should wear tighter clothes and touch your belly so that others can see it!” I’ve tried this too, but people just look at me with puzzled eyes and then look down at their phones.

Gradually, I’ve found that the people who usually give up their seats are mothers with children, as they have also gone through the stage of pregnancy. If I enter a carriage filled with working men one day, the chances of someone giving up their seat greatly decrease.

If we want to change the ethos of the entire city, we can only teach this virtue to our children by setting an example, so that love and warmth can reappear in the next generation.